"I'm Sorry, but....."
Often in parenting we tend to lose our cool over something small and say hurtful things to our children that we don't mean.How many of us acknowledge that we're wrong and actually apologize to our children?
Here are the benefits in doing so:
1. Social Intelligence: When we model by example, we encourage our children to catch and learn from their own mistakes, strengthening their bonds with their siblings and friends whom they are apologizing to, while reinforcing their communication skills.
2. Emotional Intelligence: We teach them "empathy", one of the most important human qualities! By a simple apology, we teach them to understand and respect another's point of view, thoughts and feelings.
This prepares children to be open-minded and open-hearted ready and willing to absorb the lesson to be learnt.
We must also ask ourselves...
How many of us end up apologizing and attaching a "but" behind it? Meaning how many of us apologize like this..."I'm really sorry, but......... you need to listen to what I'm saying from now on" or
".... but, you know you should not have done what you did".
Well, here are the drawbacks of doing that:
1. While the 'sorry" takes a child to being empathetic and open-minded, the "but" behind it will immediately negate both of the benefits mentioned above (1 and 2: activating Social and Emotional Intelligence). The "but" is sure to create confusion and mixed emotions in a child's mind, taking them far from the open-minded platform that helps children learn from the mistakes they make!
2. In addition, the "but" starts the blame-game filling the child's emotional bucket with guilt, hurting their self-confidence and self-esteem. What started out a resolution to an issue ends up creating further confusion!
However, If there is a "but" that needs to follow to make a point, wait for a day or so. Let your "sorry" come from your heart and touch your child's heart. Allow time for the magic of the apology to serve its purpose so that by example, you lead your child to a place of open-heartedness, open-mindedness, reconciliation and learning from their mistakes.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Allowing time to soak in the "sorry" will take your child to a different level of respect, understanding and communication! Is that not the point?
Hope this TOG (Tool of Growth) serves you well in Raising Happy And Caring Kids!
In Joy!
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