Dear Parents...
We all know how powerful our WORDS can be and how they generally affect us but I cannot stress enough the importance of the "words" you use when guiding your children. While their little brains are still developing, its best to keep it simple. Here are two suggestions that will produce great results, GUARANTEED!
1. Be kind. The tone of voice that we use with our kids can make it or break it! Starting with a "sweetie", "honey" or "please" (specially if you're really upset) will help soften your voice by a few syllables.
2. Be clear and specific about what you are asking them to do. You can do this by choosing "to do" words instead of "NOT to do" words. I'll give you an example of each:
EXAMPLE:
"I've asked you so many times not to leave your socks around the house".
SWITCH! "Sweetie, from now on, please put your socks in the hamper by the shoe rack".
This simple way of speaking allows young children (especially the 2-8 year olds) to follow instructions in a one-step process. Here is how their brain comprehends and responds to the two examples:
"Oops, ya, I'm not supposed to do that! Where am I supposed to put them again? Ummm, oh ya, in the hamper." (Chances are that by this time they are already side tracked by something else and you might be repeating this same instruction the next day!)
SWITCH brain response:
"Okay mommy" followed by a possible "I love you" (they connect with the new tone of voice much deeper than you think!).
Children are SIMPLE minded!
Keep parenting SIMPLE!
Remember!...it's not just kids that give you a better response when your words are kind and clear, its all of us adults too!
Watch This!
Here is just one more example of how you can change the world if you change your words. Let us empower our children with the same life tool!
The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.
-Frank Lloyd WrightThe message in this video is delivered in the simplest of languages but speak volumes about believing in yourself! Take a look!
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Often in parenting we tend to lose our cool over something small and say hurtful things to our children that we don't mean.
How many of us acknowledge that we're wrong and actually apologize to our children?
Here are the benefits in doing so:
1. Social Intelligence: When we model by example, we encourage our children to
catch and learn from their own mistakes,
strengthening their bonds with their siblings and friends whom they are apologizing to, while reinforcing their
communication skills.
2. Emotional Intelligence: We teach them
"empathy", one of the most important human qualities! By a simple apology, we teach them to
understand and
respect another's point of view, thoughts and feelings.
This prepares children to be
open-minded and
open-hearted ready and willing to absorb the lesson to be learnt.
We must also ask ourselves...
How many of us end up apologizing and attaching a "but" behind it? Meaning how many of us apologize like this..."I'm really sorry, but......... you need to listen to what I'm saying from now on" or
".... but, you know you should not have done what you did".
Well, here are the drawbacks of doing that:
1. While the 'sorry" takes a child to being empathetic and open-minded, the "but" behind it will immediately negate both of the benefits mentioned above (1 and 2: activating Social and Emotional Intelligence). The "but" is sure to create
confusion and
mixed emotions in a child's mind, taking them far from the open-minded platform that helps children learn from the mistakes they make!
2. In addition, the "but" starts the
blame-game filling the child's emotional bucket with
guilt, hurting their self-confidence and self-esteem. What started out a resolution to an issue ends up creating further
confusion!
However, If there is a "but" that needs to follow to make a point, wait for a day or so. Let your "sorry" come from your heart and touch your child's heart. Allow time for the magic of the apology to serve its purpose so that by example, you lead your child to a place of open-heartedness, open-mindedness, reconciliation and learning from their mistakes.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Allowing time to soak in the "sorry" will take your child to a different level of respect, understanding and communication! Is that not the point?
Hope this TOG (Tool of Growth) serves you well in Raising Happy And Caring Kids!
In Joy!
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