We ask parents: What are you passing down to your little ones?
In my monthly "Happy, Relaxed Parenting" class last week, I addressed the issue of us, the parents, passing on our own negative experiences thereby planting "limiting beliefs" in our children. These limiting beliefs take our children from a place of love and confidence to a place of fear and lack of confidence which will translate into poor decision making as they grow!
Here's a great example:
"My seven year old has been repeatedly asking for a bike. Although a lot of his friends are riding bikes, I still think it is unsafe and too early."
Underlying reason: This parent had an injury in a bicycle accident at age 6.
Effect: Needless to say, this child sees friends and neighbors riding bikes and feels "left out".
This feeling then perhaps translates into "feeling sorry" for oneself which lays the ground work for low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence and a plethera of fear-based emotions.
Recommendation: As parents, our first instinct is to always protect our children, particularly from our bad experiences. But if we use our emotions to think instead of thinking with our emotions, we will be better able to "respond" instead of "react" . So practice your emotional intelligence skills by listening carefully (a full paragraph focusing on "listening" in our previous blog) to what your children are saying. Ask yourself if it is a reasonable request and if it is safe. If so, allow your children to have their own new and fresh experiences from which to learn and respect their desires and curiosity to learn. Bringing our own negative experiences into their lives will hinder their growth , well-being and social skills. Keeping this in mind will give our children a platform to be open minded and flexible as they thrive, exploring new skills, building their self confidence and self esteem.
Let me know your thoughts. If you have experiences that you would like to share please email me at roma@toolfgrowth.com or "post your comment" below.
In Joy!
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