Discussion Topic: Do Kids Need a Best Friend?
According to a recent New York Times article, there is disagreement as to whether kids really need or even should have, a best friend...The article states that professionals who work with children and other adults, such as parents, schools, and summer camps are questioning the value of best friends, with some even discouraging the development of the best friend bond. Counselors, directors, and teachers say they have concerns that when children rely on one friendship, cliques and bullying are more likely. In addition, if something goes wrong in that close relationship, the children involved can be deeply affected. Parents may try to diffuse best friendships by scheduling play dates with many different kids, while camps and schools may get involved by monitoring close friendships, separating children who seem overly attached, and/or encouraging wider social networks.
However, some psychologists are worried that if children do not form and learn within these close friendships in childhood, they will miss out on the strong emotional support and security that come with them. In addition, these children may be unprepared for negotiating the close relationships that they will encounter as they grow up. The article quotes Brett Laursen, a psychology professor specializing in peer relationships at Florida Atlantic University as saying, "Do we want to encourage kids to have all sorts of superficial relationships? Is that how we really want to rear our children? Imagine the implication for romantic relationships. We want children to get good at leading close relationships, not superficial ones."
The article goes on to say that:"Many psychologists believe that close childhood friendships not only increase a child’s self-esteem and confidence, but also help children develop the skills for healthy adult relationships — everything from empathy, the ability to listen and console, to the process of arguing and making up. If children’s friendships are choreographed and sanitized by adults, the argument goes, how is a child to prepare emotionally for both the affection and rejection likely to come later in life?"
What do you think? Should adults be involved in trying to encourage kindness to everyone at the expense of close friendships? Should kids be left to discover the ups and downs of close friendships on their own, regardless of the hurt that could be part of those downs? Let us know what you think in the comments section.
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